


Talk All Night for Nothing

by ipromisetostaywild



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Editor!Andrew, Explicit kissing, F/M, Fluff, M/M, POV Andrew, POV Neil, Photographer!Andrew, Rated teen and up for, Sharing Clothes, Skater!Andrew, Skater!Renee, Soft AU, Strong Language, Texting, Vlogger AU, Vlogger!Neil, Vloggers, YouTube, and, i mean probably, idk - Freeform, vloggers au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-18 07:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14848592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ipromisetostaywild/pseuds/ipromisetostaywild
Summary: Andrew Minyard is a vlogger on YouTube, doing quite well for himself despite the fact that he never shows his face to the camera. He may just change his no-face policy, however, after meeting a certain vlogger who wants to do a collaboration.ORAndrew edits other people’s videos, makes his own, & becomes totally smitten with a blue-eyed boy.// Each chapter is a quick read due to my broken attention span.





	1. Maybe it could be a maybe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Renee and NYC.

Andrew Minyard was a YouTube star, doing quite well for himself despite the fact that he never showed his face to the camera. He wasn’t self-conscious, but he wanted to keep himself unrecognizable on the street. He preferred being anonymous. That wasn’t as possible as it could be, however, since his identical twin brother, Aaron, also made his living creating YouTube content along with Kevin Day, a health and fitness professional, and Nicky Hemmick, their cousin.

At the moment he was editing their latest video. It was supposed to be funny. Andrew didn’t think so. Then again, Andrew didn’t really think anything was funny. His sense of humor didn’t go beyond the skills necessary to emphasize and amplify what they were doing, while also keeping it under 10 minutes.

This time Nicky and Kevin were both trying out yoga, neither of which had ever tried before now. Kevin was picking it up quite well while Aaron was displaying the poses on the computer off-screen, checking their posture. Nicky kept laughing.

Several monitors, black and white wires, and a layer of dust atop a black desk was Andrew’s work station, which took up half the living space in his tiny, New York City apartment. He put cleaning the apartment on his mental to do list. It didn’t require much. His tidiness and lack of decorations made it seem like no one really lived here.

Tired and numb as a result of his utter lack of interest in his work, Andrew paused the video and checked the time. He toed on his shoes, grabbed his keys, backpack, and headed out the door, collecting his skateboard from the entryway. He had an appointment to keep.

His friend, Renee Walker, was in the area for a video she wanted him to help with. He wouldn’t call her a friend, exactly, but out of all the people in New York – or the world for that matter – Renee’s company was a rare highlight in his normally dull routine.

Camera in hand and rolling, Andrew glided through the busy sidewalk bustling with people, expertly avoiding collisions and the fresh gum on the cement. These split-second moments, possibly resulting in a busted lip or broken finger used to make him feel something in the early days he was just starting to skate. He liked going fast.

Now? He didn’t feel a thing. His skill was too good to be caught stumbling over a sidewalk abnormality or the dogs that people took on walks. It helped to know the details.

Getting on the subway and tolerating the closeness of strangers, Andrew made his way to Renee’s favorite coffee shop.

He ignored all the stares, either spurred on from the camera in his hands or his 5’ stature. Summer break was over and many people liked to assume he was 14 years old and skipping school. He accepted he would never look 23 until he was maybe 30. He lit a cigarette while climbing the subway escalator back to ground level. Right before stepping on his board again, he checked his surroundings and spotted an opening in the rush of people on their lunch breaks.

Coming to a smooth stop several blocks later in front of Flora Coffee on Madison Avenue, Andrew immediately spotted Renee’s pastel-colored hair.

“Hey, Andrew.” Renee beamed at him.

It had been 3 months since they last saw each other. 

“Renee.” He sat down.

“I ordered our usual.”

He nodded and faced the bar, setting his board against it and balancing his bag on the back of the chair. He set his camera facing them at an angle that didn’t show their faces, only the chest down. His daily vlog video was going to get three times as many views and twice as many comments asking if him and Renee were dating. Responses like this made him stop reading them altogether.

“You look like you’ve been working a lot.” She looked pointedly at his face, presumably at the bags under his eyes.

This was Renee’s way of giving him an opportunity to share. He could have told her that the nightmares were flaring up again, just like his ankle did that one time he sprained it skating, or that he couldn’t sleep well since his brother’s trial for murder was finally over, how the stress of it becoming public would’ve done some very not good things for his – or Aaron’s – private life, and how he hated what his imagination came up with concerning Aaron’s potentially compromised safety.  
He wasn’t constantly by Andrew’s side anymore. They made a new deal and it didn’t consist of Andrew protecting him anymore.

But he didn’t say any of that. She could probably guess, anyway. He adjusted his hat and rested his crossed arms on the bar. She accepted his lack of response.

Renee was one of the few people who knew about the trial outside of the people working the case. Not his idea, however. His counselor, Betsy Dobson, challenged him to share his life with someone who didn’t need to know. He practiced this exercise of trust over a text, since she lived over 300 miles away in Maine. It consisted of as little words as possible. Renee was annoyingly considerate; she didn’t treat him any differently.

He cleared his throat before he spoke because of its disuse and asked after her recent travels. She calmly retold the stories that were no doubt already up on her YouTube channel along with colorful palm trees, ocean scenes, and exotic animals. There was one story he didn’t expect to hear.

“I met someone interesting while I was there.”

He lifted his eyebrows slightly for her to continue.

“Neil Josten."

“And what was he doing there?”

Andrew kept the spark of actual curiosity out of his voice. Renee wasn’t fooled. She smiled.

“Snorkeling with the whales.”

He hummed in response. Unbidden images of the pretty, blue-eyed boy flashed in Andrew’s mind. He stopped watching his videos since it was becoming a problem. There was no way they would ever meet, and yet the one person Andrew tolerated more than anyone ended up meeting him by chance. He actually felt something. Surprise.

“He asked if you edited some of my videos.”

“What?”

“He prompted the direction of the conversation all on his own. And he was exactly who he seemed to be, which was interesting. People usually change their personalities a little for the camera, but he was exactly as straight-forward, bold, and oblivious as he is in his videos.” She waited a beat. “Except his height. He’s almost as short as you.”

Renee turned away, probably getting her smiling under control. Andrew should follow her example, but his interest was definitely showing in his eyes by now. He was practically a meme. He felt like one, anyway.

"And he's prettier in person."

Their coffee came then. He took a sip of his caramel and chocolate latte while she tasted her iced coffee with lavender syrup. He wasn’t going to ask.

“Did you two collaborate?” He asked anyway.

“Yeah, a little. He said the British Virgin Islands are among his favorite places. And he asked a bunch of questions about you.”

Surprise again. He wasn’t going to ask.

“Like what?”

“Like how close we are, why you never show your face.” She sipped her drink. “If you had any openings for another editing job.”

His hand paused while bringing his drink to his lips. Just for a second. But Renee was sharp. There was no way she missed it.

“No.”

He wondered how close he was going to get to regret by saying no to this opportunity, but Andrew wasn’t interested in keeping problems hanging around, especially one like this. An unresolvable issue.

Renee smiled again.

“Alright, you can let him know when he comes to New York in two weeks.”

They both took another sip of their drinks. He wasn’t going to ask.

“Show me your notes for today.”

He didn’t ask.

They went over her plans for the day, Andrew shooting out ideas about specific shots and editing styles whilst pushing his thoughts about Josten firmly away. After half an hour of going over everything, they packed up their gear and headed out to their first location after stopping at his apartment to leave her duffle bag. She unpacked her skateboard, which matched her hair, and they were off.

He wasn’t going to ask about Josten again, but his curiosity came back at the end of their work for the day. His bill hat kept his sunburn at bay, but Renee’s cheeks were pink.

They got curry takeout for dinner and headed back to his apartment, Renee pulling out some plant clipping from her duffle bag and applying its insides to her skin.

“What is that?”

“Aloe Vera. Cure for sunburn.”

He could smell it from the kitchen.

“Gross.”

She smiled so much it scrunched up her face. Signature Renee smile.

“Don’t worry, the smell will be gone really soon. Will you be in my vlog today?”

He finished putting two tea bags of earl grey in a mug for her and hot cocoa for himself, carrying them over.

“Yes.”

She set to work with her vlog by getting out some camera gear, effectively turning the half of the room with his grey sofa into a studio. He sat on the sofa, chest and below in the frame while she settled onto the floor with her mug. He got up when the water finished boiling and she started filming before he got back.

Going over their day and mentioning what both of them were drinking, Renee waited patiently as Andrew poured the hot water into their mugs, put their dinner on plates, and brought it over with sets of chopsticks. They ate leisurely together.

Renee didn’t expect Andrew to do anything but just be in the frame. She was already buying him dinner every night she would be here, a total of five days. This was the deal they had made when they first collaborated almost a three years ago.

Wrapping of the video, Renee said, “I’m really happy I have a friend like Andrew who gives me his honest opinion about my work and ideas without any bias or ulterior motives.” She ended it with another signature smile.

Andrew asked once she stopped recording, “Allison?”

She sighed. “Yes. And Seth.”

They cleaned up after themselves and Andrew got out his extra sleeping mat and linens for Renee to sleep on in the living room floor. She was already editing her footage of the day into a vlog at the kitchen counter, halfway sitting on a bar stool, one leg stretched out to the side.

“Spar tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

By the time he finished cleaning his apartment, Renee had invaded with her belongings and was coming out of the bathroom in her pajamas. He kept reminding himself that he could trust her to stay the night without supervision, but knew sleep would evade him regardless.

“Hey, there’s something I didn’t mention. Neil asked if we were dating.”

She climbed under the blanket and he was working his way around the place, switching off lights. He wasn’t going to ask.

“And?”

“I told him no. He looked surprised. But he took my word for it.”

He hummed in response and turned off the last light.

“Goodnight, Andrew.”

He closed his door and locked it behind him.

Maybe his answer didn’t have to be no. Maybe it could be a maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: More Andrew and Renee and NYC.


	2. Definitely a maybe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Andrew and Renee and NYC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely feedback on my first chapter. You rock, you beautiful, beautiful souls.

Waking up at 6am, both Andrew and Renee went about their morning routines.

Renee’s consisted of lemon water, meditation, yoga, and a bunch of other healthy tasks. He simply stretched his muscles, drank the contents of a giant water bottle, and packed a to-go mug of coffee and a granola bar in his gym backpack. After quickly editing his vlog from yesterday and uploading it, he commuted to his gym and returned in time for Renee to have gone grocery shopping and finish making their breakfast.  
Andrew could at least admit he was fond of the rhythm they fall into every time they collaborated. Neither liked to speak in the mornings, so no words were exchanged until after 8am. Andrew set up his French press for more coffee.  
After showering and donning on his uniform – soft tee shirt, black armbands, and jeans – Andrew padded out of the bathroom barefoot, and only then did Renee speak.

“Hey.”

He hummed in response.

After eating a breakfast of oatmeal with dried fruits and nuts with impeccable presentation, Andrew was once again glad Renee was such a foodie. Readied and focused with sunscreen already on their faces, they once again ventured out into New York City, doing the usual rounds on their boards in Central Park, Times Square, and China Town.

Yesterday Renee had showed off her progress in skating by doing tricks. Now it was time to explore.

People - like always - either glared, looked at them in awe, or were entirely indifferent. Both of them were quite good at cruising, especially today since they were on long boards, Renee borrowing Andrew’s spare dovetail, Andrew on his cruiser. Renee’s camera was strapped across Andrew’s torso so he wouldn’t drop it while his was attached to the front of her board. A couple of times she looked back at him to snap a picture with her phone when she was ahead. He knew she wouldn’t post it.  
Getting hungry for lunch, they stopped into HanGawi in Manhattan, Renee picking out the healthiest thing on the menu, some vegetable stir fry, while Andrew ordered dumplings. They stored their cameras in their bags and Renee got a couple shots of their food with her phone. Their stamina hadn’t wavered, but they were getting ready for riding down a long boarding spot down Pershing Road before being done with riding for the day.  
Pulling on their gear, just one glove for Andrew and a helmet and gloves for Renee, they aimed themselves down the road, surrounded by skyscrapers while also having enough width on the street to avoid traffic.

“Ready?”

Andrew straightened his camera strap.

“Yes.”

They pushed off.

Andrew usually cruised with speed as his focus, but Renee just enjoyed the sensation of wind whipping past her, so he made sure to stay around the same speed, sometimes ending up by her side or a few feet behind or in front of her.

These videos with her in them alone were going to pay his rent several times over. It was a mutually beneficial exchange, or Andrew wouldn’t agree to the terms. Renee had great success with all the videos she made with him.

After another full day of filming, they turned in a bit earlier, Renee planting herself on the sofa to get her next vlog ready, and Andrew doing the same at his desk, and then they wordlessly got ready to spar at Andrew’s gym.

Renee won, like she always did. They didn’t filmed it.

“Hey, did you watch Neil’s vlogs? He mentioned you a couple times.”

Both of them were sitting on the floor, their breath a bit labored with water bottles in hand.

“No.”

He didn’t care. He didn’t care.

“Hmm,” she hummed, much the way Bee sometimes does.

Andrew took another drink.

“I’m done talking about Josten.” His voice was as monotone as ever, but she knew better than to ignore his warning.

She nodded and turned away, smiling no doubt.

“Shut up.”

***

Renee was going to be out for about an hour, exploring and snapping pictures to practice night photography while Andrew talked with Bee at 4:45pm.

“See you later, alligator.”

He replied with a bored stare as she shut the apartment door. He gazed at his white walls until Bee called him. He didn’t mention Josten’s job offer, but Aaron’s trial and the lingering of his past took away plenty of time and energy. They’re appointments used to be once of week, but since she was his college counselor and Andrew had already graduated, they did it long-distance once a month instead. By the time Renee came back, he was already holed up in his sparse room, ready to stay in until 6am tomorrow.

“Good night, Andrew. I had a lot of fun today,” Renee said through the door.

Andrew didn’t have the energy or desire to respond, so he didn’t. Sounds of music and Renee cooking filtered in through his door.

The next morning was a repeat of the day before, but this time Renee tagged along with Andrew to the gym. It was the perfect opportunity for someone to film him doing some of his gym routine; something he didn’t care to share, but knew it would be good for his bank account to produce this kind content.

Renee started out as a wedding videographer, her skills having excelled a great deal since; he trusted her to get good footage.

In return Andrew filmed some shots of her. She made a lot of progress in her bench press, which he spotted her on, lifting a little over half of what he could, which was a lot.

Despite his great strength advantage, she still kicked his ass in sparring every time.

“Whatcha thinkin' about?”

She lifted again, letting out a burst of breath as she straightened her arms.

A Twenty One Pilots song played through the speakers.

“Nothing.”

She placed the bar back on the rack above her, Andrew helping to guide it. Finished with his workout, he put it away for her after wiping it down with his towel as she drank water.

Renee looked at him, raising her eye brows.

"Nothing?"

“Go shower, Walker.”

She tilted her head.

“We’re sparring first.”

He blinked at her then nodded towards the matts. She smiled and they both headed to get their gloves from their bags.

Once there, they had to wait on a few people to finish. They were all men and they all wanted to impress the bystanders, particularly Renee, with they’re boxing skills. Andrew enjoyed the view all the same.

A couple of them tried to hit on her before they could replace them on the mats.

Getting in a couple hits before she slammed him into the ground, Renee’s proficiency inspired some of the men to get vocal, especially the tallest one. His hair was styled like it was defying gravity.

“Whoa, nice! Did you guys see that?”

Andrew got up, refusing Renee’s offered hand. The tall one approached.

“Hey, are you guys offering lessons? My wife Dan would love to learn. She doesn’t really like boxing, but I think she’d like this kind of fighting.”

“We’re not, but I can tell you about a few resources.” Renee smiled.

Andrew remained silent. He noticed track marks on his arms, old ones by the looks of them.

“Ok, great. I’m Matt, by the way.” He glanced behind him, then realized he had been abandoned by his companions.

“Renee.” She smiled and held out her hand and he took it. "This is Andrew."

They shook hands.

Andrew walked back to his bag for his water bottle. He heard her explain to Matt who he was and that he was mute. It was as good as an explanation as any. Andrew didn’t make acquaintances at the gym. If he made acquaintances, he would have to deal with people when they started interrupting him just to exchange meaningless small talk.

After sparring for a little over an hour, they were both exhausted. They headed back to Andrew’s apartment.

***

Faster than seemed possible, it was time to say goodbye to Renee. He shouldered off her duffle bag and handed it back to her.

“Take care of yourself, Andrew. Call me if you need anything. I can do the talking if you want. Just…don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

“Okay.”

He didn’t know how to respond to this genuine care. His first inclination was to recoil, distrust, but he knew Renee was trustworthy, and that the cross around her neck wasn’t the reason why.  
She smiled. She left.  
Andrew travelled back through the train station, without his board this time, and tried not to think. Back in his apartment, he rested from the day at to his desk to finish some work. He also may have watched a few of Josten’s vlogs and ignored the sensation in his chest when Josten praised his work.

He still had a week to decide, but it was definitely a maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Neil and not Aaron and NYC.


	3. Nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and not Aaron and NYC.

Neil Josten was a fulltime traveller, earning his living by getting sponsorships, being sent on travel tours around the world, and sharing his life online through videos and his photography.

How did he get this job? Five years ago Neil had shared the story of his life on the run from his father and the interview went viral. Omitted details aside, the world was compelled and Nathaniel Wesninski was not easily forgotten.

After accumulating a decent amount of popularity and going by a new name, Neil’s family in England reclaimed him and, in exchange for giving the Hatford family a new, young face, allowed him to live away from the family mob business. It was the least he could do since his Uncle Stuart was the one that pulled so many strings to save him, not to mention being the one to make his father, Nathan, bite the bullet.

It was only the past two years that he had started his YouTube channel. His unusual talent of calling people out on their shit, doing daring things, and his reactions to pop culture got him a lot of attention and maintained his popularly, despite the utterly rubbish videos he made in the beginning.

Being kidnapped and tortured by his father’s people somewhere in-between probably helped, too.

Finally getting a short break from six months of travel, he was watching some of the latest videos from his favorite content creators, riding on the tube with earphones in on his way to the post office. He needed to change his box number. Again. He didn’t want all the free shit people were sending him.

A laugh trickled into his headphones.

“I could tell you all about how Andrew doesn’t like talking before 8am, but who am I kidding? I don’t either, so here I am at 9:30. Andrew will be back soon from the gym, so I’d like to finish making breakfast. My favorite,” she pans the camera over the counter top, full of white dishes with colorful food. “Green eggs and ham! Just kidding. I’m making omelets.” The frame flies back to her face. “I would tell you what Andrew’s favorite is, but sharing personal information without permission is not how I treat the people I care about.” She smiles.

Neil couldn’t help but connect the dots. Renee Walker is a close friend of Allison Reynolds, a fellow influencer who is having some feud with another YouTuber because he shared information or footage without her permission.

_Since when do I care about these things enough to keep up?_

Neil didn’t know.

The video continued with clips of Renee trying out tricks on her skateboard at a skate location, which required her to squeeze through a hole in a fence, then her cruising around Central Park, and her and Minyard getting bubble tea.

When the video ended with a clip of them eating dinner on a grey sofa, his face out of the frame like always, Neil scrolled through his watch list and clicked on Minyard’s corresponding vlog. It was more like a documentary featuring Walker. Eating lunch at some Korean place. Long boarding in Manhattan. Riding down Pershing Road. Minyard’s face was never in the frame. Not even the back of his head.

Neil wondered how he could have a career as a videographer, be a popular vlogger, and work as such a successful content creator and editor all without showing his face. He wished he could have the freedom to do that, but it was Neil’s face that got him this life and his face that was allowing him to keep it. The spike of popularity that came along with his new scars was another confirmation of that.

After the post office with boxes and packages in tow, Neil thought about what else he wanted. Renee Walker wouldn’t tell him Minyard’s answer to his job offer. He would contact him himself, but knew it would mean more if it was through Walker. He finally had an in. Or so he hoped. He hoped that jumping on a plane to the British Virgin Islands just for the chance of bumping into her didn’t make him desperate, but he really hated editing and knew Minyard was one of, if not the, best editors he’d ever seen and if Neil thought any longer about it, he was curious. He wanted to meet the man who didn’t fold under the algorithms of the platform or the demands of the masses. Neil’s personal branding was awful while Minyard’s was impeccable, if not unusual. He seemed completely indifferent. Neil envied that indifference. He envied that Minyard _could_ be indifferent, could _choose_ to be, whereas Neil never could.

But he kept his desires in check. Just because he was flying to New York City tomorrow to collaborate with Kevin Day for a few weeks didn’t mean he’d see Minyard. Or, at least, the one he wanted to see. Aaron seemed like an ass.

If Andrew Minyard said yes to his job offer, however, Neil knew his popularity would build even more. Minyard’s would, too, but since Neil would also ask him to rebrand his online presence, they would both get a lot out of the collaboration.

Once home Neil tore open the boxes and dumped the contents in his donations box. He wasn’t doing a vlog today, and even if he were, he would do the same thing.

***

Neil was met at the airport after ten minutes of paying rapt attention to his busy surroundings and making sure he didn’t bring any to himself.

It was kind of impossible if someone caught sight of his face.

Kevin Day strode up to him, another young man next to him.

“Neil.”

“Kevin.”

They shook hands. Neither of them were filming. Not so for the tall Hispanic next to him.

“Here’s Nicky.”

Nicky casually held a small camera like it was just an extension of him.

“Nice to meet you, Nicky.”

They shook hands, Nicky saying enthusiastically how excited he was to finally meet him.

“Finally?”

“Yeah, finally! We’ve been following you since the beginning. I personally didn’t mind all the shaky angles and bad video quality. Your face made up for it. You’re cuter in person.” He finished with a wink.

Neil didn’t say anything. Nicky smiled apologetically.

“Alight! Let’s get going! I can take your bag.”

“No, thanks. I got it.” Neil held tightly to his duffle’s straps.

“Oh, okay. Let’s go.”

Kevin leads the way, Nicky and Neil slightly behind. They both towered over his 5’3” stature and lean build, Kevin walking confidently, Nicky casually.

“Aaron usually comes with to meet up with people, but since school had started up again he’s too busy with classes,” Nicky mentioned, turning to him with a smile.

Neil hummed in acknowledgement.

“Yeah, he’s studying to be a doctor, in case you missed that Q and A. Him and Kaitlyn both. It’s impressive, really. But I’m glad I can be here! I’m headed back to Germany in another week. I miss my husband too much.” He laughed lightly.

“Germany? You live there?” Neil had already visited there this year for the first time since him and his mom were on the run, but didn’t have the time to throw any footage together to post. Not to mention he didn’t get much. He was too busy trying not to have a panic attack, and so only stayed a little under a week.

“I do,” Nicky said, and continued to say things the whole car ride to their flat.

Neil decided he liked him, especially since he stopped asking Neil questions and started just talking instead.

Nicky talked about his husband, Eric, and his job in Germany, something to do with marketing and graphic design. Neil paid attention, but glanced out the window, too. It was cloudy, the skyscrapers reaching into the sky higher than Neil could see.

“You’ll meet Andrew later, by the way. He’s busy working on some project right now, but definitely before I leave.” Nicky smiles.

“Great.” From that Neil figured that they didn’t know about his job offer.

Kevin’s flat was small with all white walls and a few pieces art pieces hung on wire, most of them made by his girlfriend Thea. It was exactly how it was in Kevin’s vlogs. Nicky played host while Kevin opened his laptop and started pulling up notes. After putting his things in the tiny guest room, Neil let Kevin sit him down at the breakfast bar next to him.

“Kevin, he just got here! You’re going to put him to work right now after he’s off the plane? He’s probably really tired.” He stood across from them in the kitchen making sandwiches.

“I’m fine. I’d rather push through the jetlag so I’ll adjust faster. I do it all the time.”

“Good. I need to go over the details of what we’re doing before we can start. There’s a lot of pre-production work to do,” Kevin said. Neil could tell he was really excited.

With that said, Kevin set to work, using slightly different lingo and methods of creating than Neil, but he caught on fast. He’s used to working with all kinds of people anyway.

Nicky made them turkey sandwiches, asking Neil about his preferences and they consumed them quickly at the bar. Next thing Neil knew, it was dark outside, he was exhausted, and they had eight videos and a few projects planned, one of them being a diet called keto starting tomorrow. Neil didn’t really have any food preferences, but Nicky was already lamenting the fact that bread was off limits for the next week.

“What should we do for dinner before bread is gone forever?” Nicky sighed dramatically, his head propped up in his palm, still sitting at the bar.

“It’s only seven days, Nicky,” Kevin commented, looking rather bored on his coach in the living room now that the planning was over and they had to wait until tomorrow to get started.

Neil was still studying the notes for the soccer game they were playing in a couple of days against a local team. They were letting them play with them for their scrimmage. He hadn’t played soccer very many times, but he loved to run. He hoped he would get a defending midfielder position.

Nicky continued to talk and kept including Neil in the conversation while Kevin kept checking his and only partially paid attention. Suddenly there was a women’s tennis match about to start on the screen.

“I didn’t know you liked tennis,” Neil commented dryly. He liked watching Kevin’s videos about sports and they would often comment back and forth with each other about soccer, lacrosse, rugby, volleyball, and even ultimate frisbee, but never tennis.

“I don’t, really.”

“He just likes to watch his girlfriend play,” Nicky explained. But he has a look in his eyes and Neil felt like he missed something.

“I’m going to bed," Neil announced.

“Be ready by 9am tomorrow,” Kevin said, looking away from the screen to get a confirmation from Neil.

He hears a  _Goodnight, Neil!_ from Nicky before he locked the bathroom door behind him.

When he came out, Nicky was gone and Kevin was on the phone, smiling and talking quietly.

***

The next morning he’s woken up by the sound of a bang. He shoots up from his sleep, heart rate skyrocketing, unfamiliar surroundings sinking in. Travelling so much, Neil knew how to calm down from these situations, but it didn’t make it any less stressful. Three years of experience, however, helped him become quite good at it.

Throwing his legs off the side of the bed, Neil glances at the digital clock on the night stand – 8:14 am - and stands on stiff legs to listen through his door. His room was the furthest down the hall; he didn't hear anything anything else.

Still feeling tired and ready to fall back asleep, he gets dressed and steals himself to face these people.

“No.”

“I thought you liked these.”

"Here, let me do it.”

Curious, Neil moved passed the bathroom and stood on the edge of the kitchen. The scene before him wasn’t what he expected. Kevin was behind a tripod sipping on a green smoothie with Aaron standing next to him while Nicky and a third person were in front of the pantry pulling out food. Neil spotted a big can of tomato sauce on the floor, thinking maybe that’s what made the noise.

Or was it Aaron in front of the pantry? He glanced Neil's way, and yeah, that’s definitely Aaron. The man standing next to Kevin looked over, too, his glance just as quick, but seemed more alert, sharper than Aaron’s. He looked identical to Aaron except for the ambands covering his forearms.

_Andrew?_

“Neil!”

Kevin turned the camera, matching Nicky’s pace towards him.

“How did you sleep,” Nicky asked while setting a few boxes of cereal on the counter and leaning against it.

“Fine.” Neil motioned towards the bathroom with his toothbrush and escaped.

If he felt nervous, he didn't plan on acknowledging it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Neil and Kevin and Nicky and some Andrew and NYC.
> 
> Guys, I’m actually going on holiday this year. !!! A buddy and I are going to plant ourselves on a beach in North Carolina.  
> Tell me about you guys’ vacations/staycations! And what you think of this chapter. That'd be neat, too.


	4. Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Kevin and Nicky and some Andrew and NYC.

Scrubbing his teeth in the bathroom, Neil didn’t know what to think about the feeling in the pit of his stomach and the tension in his shoulders, both of which were more intense than normal. It made it hard to take deep breaths. He was nervous, but for different reasons he was used to.

All the therapists his uncle made him go see spoke a lot about how he may feel and change in the coming years. One of the women shared in passing, after he explained why a job interview made him nervous for what he categorized as unusual reasons, that it was okay to be nervous. She asked him to describe his reasons. He responded with _not life threatening_. That made her stare at him like he had two heads until she finally asked for a more in-depth description.

But maybe now, in this moment, he did. He just didn’t understand why it would still feel like he should run away, change his name, and integrate into another country – perhaps Spain since he was nearly fluent in Spanish – because finally seeing Andrew made him feel this way.

Andrew and Aaron were identical. Now that he knew that, he was rearranging his thoughts, the ones specifically surrounding Aaron and how much he disliked him. His face was taking on a whole new meaning. 

He got dressed in the guest room – grey trousers, soft blue button down - and trained his face into a friendly mask. It was the one that made him exhausted the most. Walking out, however, he remembered that Kevin didn’t pretend to be friendly in person, and neither did Nicky, who seemed genuine. He let it fall.

“No, take these, too. We can’t eat them.”

“We won’t eat it all, either. Take it to a food pantry.”

“Oh, good idea. Would you do it?”

“Nicky, I don’t really have time.”

Neil watched the tail end of this exchange while leaning in the short hallway.

Nicky and Aaron moved their chatting to the front door, seeming to get along well. Better than usual. Aaron didn’t typically speak very frequently in their videos. It was strange to see him look so relaxed.

Until he spotted Neil.

Then again, Neil was hardly himself in his videos, either. Neither was Kevin. Kevin was far more relaxed in person. Neil shifted his gaze to Kevin in the compact kitchen as he put ingredients into a blender instead of glaring back at Aaron like he wanted to. Andrew came into view.

“Wesninski.” Blank expression. Arms and hands relaxed at his sides. Eyes boring into Neil’s.

Neil flinched.

“Minyard.”

“Bye, Aaron,” Nicky said as he shut the door to Kevin apartment and walked to the breakfast bar. “Aaron had to get to class. He won’t be in any videos for the rest of the school year, probably, but you might see him again before you leave,” Nicky said, smiling.

Neil hummed in response. Kevin had already told him this. He didn’t care if he saw Aaron again or not.

Neil was amazed at how identical Aaron and Andrew’s faces were. It made him wonder if their fans, who spot them in public, must mistake Andrew for Aaron. The thought made the corners of his mouth turn up. He was sure Andrew would be annoyed in those situations, despite the fact that Neil knew nothing about him.

Neil noticed a faint scar on Andrew’s chin. Then Neil noticed that he had been staring at Andrew and that Andrew had been staring back. He pushed off from the wall and joined Nicky at the breakfast bar in front of the smoothie Kevin made for him.

“We’re going to The Good Room tonight. Be ready by ten,” Andrew spoke. Quietly and concisely and with no inflection. Then he stared right at Neil.

Neil wanted to say no, but he also wanted to work with Andrew.

“Awesome! I hoped Kevin would’ve taken me by now, but I’m excited we’re going! Haven’t been there in ages.” Nicky put his palms on the counter and used them to push himself side to side on his stool. “Do you like dancing, Neil?” Nicky asked.

“No.”

“Oh, but it’s so fun! This club is great. Great music, drinks, people who I’m sure will want to dance with you, myself included.” He smiled.

“I’ll go, but I won’t dance.”

Nicky said something forlorn and equally persuasive about dancing, but Neil stopped listening when Andrew stepped closer.

“Nicky, the bag on the coach has the clothes for Neil. Make sure you give it to him.”

“My clothes are fine,” Neil protested.

Andrew looked him up and down.

“I doubt you have any clothes to wear that would get you in the club. You’re going to wear what I brought for you,” Andrew said, then walked to the door and left.

“Why didn’t you tell me we were going to a club?” Neil asked Kevin.

“It’s not important. Everything’s taken care of, except some of our contacts getting back with us on that video for the interviews with people who’ve done keto long-term. It would be good if you made some calls while I double check our camera gear. Where’s yours?” Kevin started walking to the guest room, finished with his green concoction.

Neil was frustrated. Andrew was telling him where he had to go and what he had to wear, Nicky didn’t seem to know how to take no for an answer, and Kevin wanted to go through his things. He followed Kevin, barred him from the door, and told him he would check them himself and to not go through his stuff.

Neil sighed, leaning in the short hallway again. Kevin always forgot to communicate things when he was this excited about something.

While opening his camera gear case and checking his equipment, Neil remembered the times he was relieved to have his new life. Yes, he was still under his uncle’s authority and had to do what he said, was his uncle also protected him. From afar, but he was safe all the same.

It didn’t seem like enough, though. Not anymore. He still felt exhausted, on edge, and listless most of the time. Surviving looked different now, but with change came a different Neil. He didn’t want to want too much, but this past year he had started to feel restless. He started to feel like doing more reckless, daring things. Like hop on a plane, look for Renee, and get an in with Andrew. He was already starting to regret it.

The regret wasn't what worried him the most, however. What worried him the most of how unpredictable his moods and emotions were. Up and down. It was starting to slowly drive him crazy.

In exchange for his rushed trip to see Renee, Neil had to do something more demanding than usual for his uncle. People just wanted to control him and take pieces of him that he didn’t want to give, but give he must. He just hoped that his friendship with Kevin didn't cloud his expectations of the people he was with now.

***

To Neil the club sounded awful. He still didn’t drink. He rarely even smoked anymore except when he was having an anxiety attack. It helped very little.

After coming back out and telling Kevin all his camera equipment was ready to go, Neil finished his breakfast along with his usual black tea with milk while Nicky made himself flourless pancakes. Kevin filmed him and asked questions, Nicky looked like he was having the time of his life trying the new recipe, and Neil sat at the breakfast bar and felt very far away.

They packed up with what they would need and headed out to give Neil a tour of New York City. Neil didn’t mention that he’d been here before with his mother. If someone paid close attention, they may have noticed his hands itching for a cigarette.

They took Neil sightseeing and places to get coffee and places to eat and to some spots with street musicians. Neil didn’t really pay much attention except to be alert of his surroundings. He tried out some of his therapist's advice and tried to be present. He felt it in bits and pieces.

Kevin and Nicky alternated between the two with who was filming and who wasn’t. Neil liked the swarma.

Neil had no anchor; rather, he had a ball and chain that kept him trapped to his uncle’s demands and expectations that kept him going and orientated. If not for that, Neil wouldn’t really know what to do or how to function, only to keep going and to never stop long enough to really be known by people, even the people he was with now.

That's why having his camera made him pay attention in a different way, a way he even liked. It was still about creating content and having a good image, but it was also about documenting it in an aesthetically pleasing way. Finding that balance was surprisingly enjoyable.

He tried to pay attention to what Kevin and Nicky had to say about the places they visited and the people they saw. Nicky spoke animatedly about what he thought about things and told stories. Kevin spoke with precision and often corrected Nicky about what people had actually said in those stories. Neil…didn’t talk unless it was necessary.

“You don’t talk very much, do you?” Nicky asked. They were all sitting outside a café drinking espresso. Neil didn’t care much for the taste, but he did for the caffeine.

“Not really.”

“But what about the times you do? I’ve seen video compilations of your replies to trolls online. You totally _roast_ them in the comment section,” Nicky laughed.

“Entertaining, but probably not a good idea, long-term,” Kevin said, smiling briefly at Neil, then looking down to check his phone. He was probably texting Thea.

Neil didn’t say anything. Kevin and him had already talked about what would be best for Neil's image and Kevin was aware of a lot of the restrictions on his content, but they also both knew that Neil liked to test his boundaries.

He had considered stopping, not replying to asshole comments, but he got bored sometimes. He didn’t realize it was noticed _that_ much.

Just then Neil noticed an elderly man with a newspaper under his arm and a coffee in his other hand. He was walking with a hunch and passed them by. Neil thought about getting that old. He thought about how meaningless his life was. He stopped thinking and tuned in to Kevin and Nicky’s conversation. They were talking about the pros and cons of bread.

“Yeah, so it’s unhealthy, _sure_ , but _sandwiches_!” Nicky said.

“You could eat the ingredients without the bread,” Kevin pointed out.

“But it’s not the same! Neil, tell him.”

"Thea hasn't eaten bread in years, and look at her. She doesn't even miss it," Kevin said.

"Just admit it! Your standards aren't the best for everyone." Nicky laughed.

Kevin dragged his hand across his face.

"Fine, yes, but don't tell anyone, that's the entire point of my brand."

Nicky laughed harder and shoved Kevin's shoulder.

"Yeah, I won't, Kev. You _nerd_."

Kevin squinted at Nicky, then turned to Neil.

"What do you want me to say, Kevin?" Neil shrugged. "You're not actually your brand. You're just a person."

Kevin nodded and Nicky gave him a strange look that appeared to be awe.

"You're really cool, Neil," Nicky said, reaching for Neil's hair and messing it up.

Neil brushed him off and fended off a smile. He failed.

***

They day wore on much the same after that. Nicky would talk a lot, Kevin would respond either with logic or extreme standards, Nicky would try to get Neil on his side, then Neil wouldn’t pick a side. They didn’t seem like they needed responses from him, anyways, and Neil was perfectly happy with listening off and on while he filmed some, took some shots, and stayed alert. They rode back on the subway tired.

“Rest up some before tonight, Neil. If you decide you want to dance, it’ll help. Otherwise, since you’re such an introvert, the loud music and all the people will tire you out,” Nicky said with a smile.

Nicky plopped on the sofa and Neil was about to retreat to his room when Nicky called him back.

“Here,” he said. “The clothes for tonight.”

“Thanks.”

Neil dropped them on the floor in the bedroom and dropped himself on the bed. He didn’t fall asleep.

***

10pm came an hour and a half later. Neil heard when Kevin answered his phone and said they’d be right down. Neil was already dressed. All black clothes made of soft, tight material, tighter than his clothes, and therefore uncomfortable. The only thing he liked was the black boots.

“Neil! Let me do something with your hair?”

Neil dodged Nicky’s reach.

"Um, no, thanks, Nicky."

They took the elevator down and Neil got a better view of himself in the reflective elevator doors. He looked strange. He felt a little strange, too, because he was spending time with other people and no one had any cameras.

A black car was parked and running out front and they climbed inside, Kevin up front and Neil and Nicky in the back. Andrew pulled away from the sidewalk when everyone was buckled in and glanced at Neil through the rear view mirror.

“You look like a mess,” Andrew said.

It took a second for Neil to realize he was talking about him.

Kevin huffed and Nicky laughed. Neil felt like he was missing something.

"I offered to do his hair, but he wouldn't let me."

Neil barely caught the smile Nicky gave him as the street lights passed them by.

When they arrived over an hour later through stop and go traffic, getting in was different from what Neil expected. He expected that they would wait in line. Instead, they all got out, the valet got in to park it, and Andrew lead the way. The bouncers took in their faces and let them through after some special handshake. After a _he’s with us_ , Neil walked into the dark and flashing lights and felt the base in his bones. He already wanted to leave.

They got a table. They cleared away empty glasses. Andrew motioned for Neil to follow him. As they walked around the dance floor, Neil noticed the place was actually clean. The employees wore button down black shirts with white collars, carrying treys and clearing away glasses.

At the bar, Andrew and the bartender exchanged some glances and very few words. They waited for her to fill the trey with drinks, and then got back to their table, Andrew balancing the trey in one hand and parting the way through the crowd of people drinking and talking.

Everyone at the table downed several shots.

“Neil, you’re sure you don’t want to dance with me?”

“I’m sure.”

“Alight! Let me know if you change your mind.” Nicky winked again and left. Kevin followed after him.

Andrew pushed a shot in front of him.

“I don’t drink.”

“Drink one.”

“No.”

Andrew shrugged and drank it himself.

Neil didn't like that Andrew seemed to know how much Neil wanted to work with him. Then again, he was on high demand. He probably got job offers every day. He hoped it wasn't written all over his face. Before he lost his nerve, with Andrew working through a few more shots and pulling what looked like a tumbler of whiskey closer to himself, Neil finally opened his mouth.

“Did Renee talk to you about my offer?"

Andrew leaned in closer to the table, presumable to hear better.

"She told me you had a job for me."

"Yes."

Neil knew his uncle wouldn’t be too happy about not having any more connections to show for this trip, but maybe he could think of something if it didn't work out. He was usually quite good at that. When Andrew finally replied, the words rang through is head.

"I might be interested."

Andrew didn’t do what Neil expected. Andrew got off his chair and left.

With him alone at the table and the loud music thrumming in his ears, Neil didn’t push for any more conversation Nicky and Kevin came back. Not even when Andrew rejoined him a bit later. Andrew watched him most of the time and Neil reframed from looking back. Most of the time.

Several hours later they piled into Andrew’s car again and drove back to Kevin’s while Andrew drove away. Nicky came back up with them and passed out on the coach, as did Kevin in his own room. Neil was tired, but he brushed his teeth and changed anyway.

Once in bed, Neil couldn't sleep. The possibilities were running through his head. It was well after he heard birds singing out his tiny window that he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Andrew and Neil and a yes.
> 
> My Type by Saint Motel is Andrew’s song for this chapter.
> 
> Yell at me in the comments!


	5. I Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil and a yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All those writers who don’t ever add any notes? And just slam you with each chapter? Such badassery.

Andrew couldn’t decide if Neil was prettier in person or not. The clothes from last night made it more difficult to judge, but the fact that Neil seemed to avoid mirrors at all costs - even though his hair was a disaster - kind of evened everything out.

Which is why Andrewdecided to say yes. He was weak.

“You’ll work with me?"

“Yes.”

It was the next evening and Kevin and Nicky were in the living room editing their footage for the day, which meant Nicky was scrolling through his phone and Kevin was glaring at the office computer monitor with laser focus.

Neil was sitting at the breakfast bar eating a burger without bread. Andrew was leaning on the refrigerator nursing a beer.

“But--.”

Neil looked surprised.

“Alright, I’ll call my agent and she’ll send you an offer.” Neil took a bite.

“I have conditions.” Andrew set down his now empty beer bottle.

Neil glared and swallowed quickly.

“First, I'll rebrand you.” Andrew knew Neil was never actually branded. Whoever was in charge of that had no idea how to use social media. Or YouTube. Or sponsors. Or anything, really.

“What would that entail?”

“Second, you let me have creative freedom to edit however I want.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then I edit it again until you do.” Andrew was the best. People rarely disliked his finished product unless Andrew wanted them to.

“Alright,” Neil said, exasperated. He pushed his plate away, half finished. “Anything else?”

“Are you on any social media?” Andrew knew Neil wasn't. Neil didn’t have to know that.

“No. I don’t need it.”

“You're the one who asked me to do this.” Andrew set his empty bear bottle in the recycling bin and leaned on the counter in front of the sink to look at Neil.

“Fine,” Neil sighed.

“Those are my terms. Have you agent send me a contract by the end of today. Or whatever Neil and Company does to higher a private contractor.” Andrew pushed off from the refrigerator. “I’ll reply with my terms in more detail. Bye, Neil.” Andrew left and took of the stairs down the three stories instead of the elevator. He missed his work out that morning.

Andrew had only done this for two other people. It was a celebrity who couldn’t afford anyone else when Andrew first started getting bigger clients, and then Renee a year later. He was sure he wouldn’t do it again, but passing up the opportunity to finally get bored of Neil was stupid. Andrew wasn’t stupid.

Since Neil said yes, Andrew would be with him for hours at a time while he was still in New York. Five days, some of this weekend. His face would be on his screen even more often. He was guaranteed to get sick of him. After getting the initial work done and Neil flies back to London, meeting with Paul at The Good Room would actually give him the satisfaction it used to.

***

As expected Andrew found the email from a Alice Charles the next morning. It was forwarded from Neil’s email. Andrew had texted Neil his email address after stealing his number from Kevin’s phone while he was in the bathroom.

Andrew read it through quickly and deduced that if he breached it – especially the parts about unapproved sharing of footage and information – the last six years of his work would be ruined and he would be back to working in bars. Seeing as Andrew doesn’t break promises, he’s not worried. The contract is only for six months. He sends his own contract to Neil and gets to work.

An hour later Andrew checks his email again and finds Neil’s digital signature. Andrew sends back his own.

A few hours of focused editing of the last of his freelance work and making sure he got the last of the payment installments in his bank account, Andrew picks up his phone to post on his Instagram when he gets a text from Neil.

_When do we start?_

**I’ll tell you tomorrow.**

Andrew then calls a certain Reynolds to cash in a favor.

***

_“Why are you calling me at bloody six in the morning?”_

Andrew imagines what Neil looks like with bed head, but it’s not that special or sexy; his hair never looks nice. Instead he imagines bad breath. He was sure it would take longer than the beginning of the first day to be bored with him. But then he imagines him shirtless.

_Nevermind._

“Meet me at the address I’m about to text you. Eight o’ clock.” Andrew hangs up and sends the address.

Finished with his coffee, Andrew grabs one of his skateboards from his front door and heads to the gym.

Exactly fifteen minutes early, Andrew arrives at the photo shoot location, Allison Reynolds holding a throwaway coffee cup and glaring at him.

“Minyard."

“Reynolds.”

“Where is this special someone who I’m _dying_ to style and pose?”

Andrew blinks at her and walks over to one of the chairs with a pink blanket slung over it. He shrugs off his backpack and takes in the location. He faced directly across from the place of interest. Reynolds’s crew of six people, whose names he already knew, was looking just as grumpy as Reynolds herself. They were setting up a collapsible dressing room, hanging clothes on newly assembled clothing racks, and plugging in a vanity’s lights into a portable battery.

This was the closest and one of the simplest locations for the day. Neil would just need to pose in front of a piece of street art. It was wings with mostly white and some blue and pink stretching out about twelve feet on a brick wall.

Reynolds huffed and stepped over to Sophia for her to touch up her makeup, mumbling something that sounded a lot like _this had better be worth it_.

Andrew had already heard about how Reynolds had to cancel a lot of important things to do this, but he hung up on her before she could finish listing everything.

Expecting Neil to be at least twenty minutes late, Andrew got out his camera and started testing and choosing his settings. He also brought along his film camera, but doubted he would get it out. It was a gift from Renee, made in the 70s.

Ten minutes before schedule, Neil arrived in a grey tee shirt, jeans, and a blue backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Neil Josten?” Reynolds looked between him and Andrew and narrowed her eyes. She approached Neil with a smirk on her face. Andrew noticed Neil didn’t check her out.

“Allison Reynolds.”

“Pleased to meet you, Neil.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and held out her hand.

“Yeah, same.” He stepped passed her and stopped in front of Andrew.

“Are you two working together?” He glanced back at her.

“Yes," Reynolds answered. She smiled.

He turned back to Andrew and chewed on his lip.

“Huh.” He studied Andrew a moment, and then sat in the chair with the pink blanket. “Kevin isn’t going to like that I’m gone. Any ideas on what I should tell him?"

“Tell him whatever you want.” Andrew wondered if he would be creative about it.

“Speaking of Kevin,” Neil said as he got out his ringing phone. “Hey, I’m going to be out for a bit.” A pause. He looked to Andrew and, when he gave nothing but a shrug, turned to Reynolds.

“Hmm.” She busied herself with her hair while she answered.

“I can’t say how long this will take. Perhaps all day.” She put her hands on her hips. “Depends on you, how photogenic you are. Have you ever had a photo shoot done?”

Instead of answering, Neil spoke to the phone.

“I don’t know. In a few hours? I’ll call you.” A pause. “Branding. See you later.” He hung up.

“What were you and Kevin going to do?” Reynolds asks.

“Interview some equally health-conscious person as Kevin. I don’t have to be there. I was just going to field questions.”

“Great. Let’s get started. You need to change. Go stand next to the wardrobe. Andrew, you chose his sizes perfectly. I’m impressed.” With a sideways smile and a glance at Neil, she turned around and then called for Sophia to get out a color scheme of makeup for a bronze, Greek god.

“I am _not_ wearing makeup.”

Andrew looked closely over Neil’s face for blemishes.

“Your skin tone is uneven. You either wear it or I have to zoom in every picture of your face and fix it with photoshop.”

Neil furrowed his brows and looked over to the vanity.

Reynolds called out, “Neil! Come on! I haven’t got all day!”

Neil looked back at Andrew with a barely there smile.

“I guess you’ll have to zoom in on every picture of my face then."

When Neil stood up and took a few steps, Andrew let out a breath.

“I hate you.”

Neil glanced behind him and  _grinned_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Neil and Andrew and Neil's social media debut.
> 
> Funny story I got myself injured and that faint scar Neil noticed on Andrew’s chin? Yeah. The happenstance of that scar seriously just happened to me 5 days ago. Ha. Good times. I mean, what’s even going on??? You all will find out what happened once Andrew cares to give an explanation. In the mean time, this story’s version of Andrew and myself will have matching scars. Like, I was not only crying from pain, but also laughing because..like..I have no words. Yo no sé.
> 
> me @ the universe: you’re real funny (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
> 
> Comments give me life. Let me know your thoughts!


	6. First Instagram Post

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew and Neil's social media debut.

The only cameras around were Andrew’s.

 _Click click click_.

Shot after shot, he looked through the viewfinder while one of Reynolds’ crew held up a light reflector. Eddie looked enthralled as he watched Neil. Andrew was too focused to really enjoy it himself.

Reynolds now had Neil dressed in an off-white linen, long sleeved, button-up shirt that looked exceptionally soft, the buttons closed all the way to the top. The shirt wasn’t see-through, but Andrew could make out the color of Neil’s skin through the garment. To make things worse, his pants were also linen - a grey - and they fit him properly. It was the complete opposite of the bead head appearance Andrew had imaged that morning. Neil was polished and would be very distracting if Andrew wasn’t too busy working.

One of Reynolds’ crew was a hairdresser and he gave Neil a “trim”, completely restyling his hair from the usual disaster, which never even looked combed, into a pleasant array of auburn, subtly wavy curls.

Andrew hated him. He hated both Neil and Jackson, the hairdresser.

Neil wasn’t naturally photogenic, but since Allison Reynolds caught on quickly that Neil shied away from being touched – or photographed – she communicated what she wanted verbally and through demonstrations. All the poses Andrew gave her were checked off one by one along with a few of her own. Neil said no to most of hers, but she didn’t seem to mind.

They were now on Brooklyn Bridge, the wind tossing everyone’s hair. Neil had declared he was changing in one of the cars instead of the portable dressing room and was now wearing a deep blue button-down shirt, black, form-fitting jeans, with a dark tan jacket with a popped collar. It would look pretention on anyone else, but the bored expression on Neil’s face was genuine. He seemed like he just…existed.

Eddie pulled out his phone and took a picture.

“Eddie.”

He turned around to face Andrew slowly.

“Come here.”

After trying to lean the light reflector against the railing and failing, Eddie took the handful of steps to Andrew. Eddie was half a foot taller than Andrew, with blond hair and freckles and a stupid idea.

Andrew took his phone from his grasp and deleted both pictures and erased them from the deleted file, then proceeded to check all the applications on his phone to be sure he didn’t share it. He hadn’t. Since Eddie couldn’t see the screen, he also proceeded to delete all the social media applications because he could.

“Do that again and I’ll break your phone.”

Eddie caught his phone, which was dropped back to him, and went back to his job. Allison had an amused smile on her face. Everyone else pretended not to notice what happened. Everyone but Neil.

“Enough. Let’s go to the last location,” Andrew said.

Neil stared at him, but he ignored it.

It was now 2pm, much earlier than Allison had anticipated they’d finish up, and Neil was turning his phone back on as they made their way into Allison’s SUV to wait for the crew to reload.

Andrew once again sat in the front seat, Neil and Allison in the second row, with Jackson, Eddie, and Samantha in the last with all the equipment and clothes in the second car driven by Allison’s usual driver. Sophia drove while Andrew gave directions.

“So, Neil, since it’s the last location, do you mind getting a picture with me while we’re there? I’d love to share our collaboration, get people excited.”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

“Can I be in it, too?” Sophia asked, glancing in review mirror.

“Um, I guess?”

A few minutes passed with Allison showing Neil things on her phone, probably poses and ideas, the crew in the back talking excitedly to each other, and Sophia humming made up tunes to herself.

“Andrew,” Neil said.

“Neil.”

“You'll be int he picture, too”

“And why would I want to be in a picture with you?” Andrew had his elbow resting on the door, his fist holding up his face.

“Because.” His voice sounded closer. “I want you in it.”

Flashes of Neil posing and well-dressed and giving him—no, the _camera_ , giving the _camera_ bored looks and smiling eyes blurred Andrew’s vision a moment.

“I don’t.”

“Hmm.” A moment passed. “You don’t have to show your face.” His voice was still close.

“We could do one of those shoe pictures," Sophia suggested.

“Shoe pictures? Really, Sophia?” Allison said. “That’s very middle school.”

“I think it’s cute. Nostalgic. I took pictures like that with my friends all the time” Sophia didn’t look away from the windshield as she spoke. She was very focused at everything she did.

"How about we make it more like a band picture, but just chest down," Jackson suggested.

Andrew turned around. Andrew felt brief wrinkle between his eyebrows. Neil was leaning as far forward as his seat belt allowed, his hands placed on Sophie and Andrew’s seats.

“What will you give me?”

“And this is why you don’t have any friends,” Allison observed.

Sophia snickered. A look from Andrew made her shut up.

Neil leaned back and shrugged

“I don't know. What do you want?”

Allison laughed.

“Good luck with that. I don’t even know how Renee manages.” That last part was mumbled. She looked out her window then. They had come to a lull in traffic for the fifth time.

Andrew faced forward again.

“I'll think about it," Andrew finally said.

Andrew couldn’t help but think this was Neil’s way of evening out what was owed between them again because of Eddie and the phone, but it wasn’t necessary. It was Andrew’s job to control the flow of data. He was being paid very well to do that.

Instead of thinking about Neil and about how far more distracting he was than any other clients had been, Andrew kept his mind carefully blank until they arrived at the final location, then back to work. He didn't join them in a picture.

***

Allison and team dropped Neil and Andrew off at the subway station and they fell in step with each other.

“How long until I have the Instagram?” Neil asked, sounding curious.

Andrew glanced over at him and back ahead as they stepped through the subway doors, his cameras slung across his chest and placed carefully in the front. He had switched to the film camera exactly eight times during this whole day. Only one of the captured images wasn’t of Neil. The other still featured Neil’s back.

“Give me your phone.”

Andrew downloaded the application and started filling out creating a profile while they waited for their stop. Using a Bluetooth link from his digital camera, he sent a few photos to his own phone, edited them to his liking, texted one to Neil’s phone, then set up the profile picture.

“Do you want a biography?” Andrew asked, holding the phone screen towards Neil, a near complete profile made, which he categorized as a Personal Blog.

“Um, what’s yours?” Neil stared at him with clear eyes.

He would’ve noticed more about Neil’s face, but he was too preoccupied with finally seeing the color of his eyes up close _not through a screen_ , and the other colors of him that complimented it. He was aware of how close they were standing, a subway pole between them, both grasping it at different points. Andrew’s head was getting almost fuzzy with it.

“It’s blank.”

“Leave mine blank, too, then.”

After a few more seconds, Andrew went back to editing his profile along with a short biography just to be contrary. He snapped a picture of their feet without Neil noticing, made it black and white, tagged Neil and himself in it, and posted it to Neil’s profile without a caption. Andrew held onto one end of Neil’s small smartphone to him and Neil took it back.

“You’re the first person who hasn’t mentioned I should get a phone case.”

Andrew shrugged. They were both looking away out the glass. He was still in work mode, so he didn’t pay much attention to all the cracks and dents on Neil's tiny, black iPhone 5, or the slight delays his phone had without any apparent reason.

This is how he gets any work done at all. Noticing everything only overwhelmed now. His life now called for a new way of survival.

Neil’s phone rang and Andrew heard Kevin bitching to Neil again about their cancelled plans. Andrew could hear the jealously in Kevin’s voice, but he was sure Neil only heard frustration.

Kevin noticed more than was good for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses for what Neil's bio says? Find out next time. It's literally the first thing on the next chapter.


	7. Advice from Readers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew and conversations.

I’m sorry to not come out with a chapter yet!

The thing is I need your input and advice. I am an old krusty krab and I don’t remember what it’s like to be infatuated with someone.

I’m almost finished with the update, but it’s missing something. There is a lot of interactions with Neil and Andrew, mostly over text.

Would you wonderful souls share what your experiences and feelings are/were like while infatuated?

I would do my own research by reading, but I thought it would be fun to hear from you guys! I miss your comments!

Who better to ask than you all who love these characters so well?

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Neil and Andrew and texts and video calls.


	8. New Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil and Andrew and texts and video calls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Humans and aliens and robots alike, I am so very gratified by the number of people who have subscribed to this mess of a story. I just discovered that feature, by the way. lolol I didn’t know I could see how many have signed up for that.  
> Also, I realized that switching from Andrew’s point of view to Neil is taking a lot out of me, so from now on I think all the following chapters will be from Andrew’s POV. I hope you all are okay with that.  
> Enjoy! Comment your thoughts!

_Is this the Instagram?_

Seeing his new profile and the biography Andrew wrote made Neil smile. A picture of their shoes on the subway was the first of five posts already up. Andrew was making fun of him. Andrew was giving him attention, attention he didn’t have to give. If Neil didn’t know any better he would say that Andrew kind of liked him. 

Right before he and Andrew parted ways, Andrew asked if he could keep creating Neil’s brand remotely by posting on his newest profile. Neil didn’t mind.

He did mind, however, that he kept getting notifications on it and he didn’t know how to make it stop, so he was ringing Andrew.

“ _What?”_

“How do I make the hearts and comments and things stop? I mean, make Instagram stop telling me about them?”

“ _Can you put me on speaker phone?_ ”

Neil glanced around. He was at Kevin’s apartment and they were about to make their last collaborative video together for Neil’s stay. He had two days left before flying back to London and they were ahead of schedule, especially since the soccer game was cancelled due to heavy rain. He could actually relax and be a tourist if he wanted. Kevin tried to talk him into packing more into his schedule and, normally, he would have agreed. Not this time.

“Yeah, hold on.”

After settling on the guest room bed, Neil put Andrew on speaker and Andrew directed him on how to change all the settings. Neil kept asking questions and Andrew was surprisingly helpful and patient. He relayed the instructions like he was some tech support person.

“ _Anything else while you’re interrupting my day?_ ” 

“Yeah, there is.” 

“ _What?_ ” 

“How do I post a picture?”

“ _Fuck off, Neil_.”

Andrew hung up and Neil was very close to grinning. 

***

Kevin and Neil finished up the video about how their one week on a ketogenic diet had been when Neil got a text. His phone was on silent, so it didn’t interrupt when Nicky rang in on FaceTime to be included while feasting on a flatbread pizza with pesto, mozzarella, and tomatoes. Kevin was now splicing together their vlog footage throughout. Neil picked up his phone ad sat on the grey coach.

_You finally got an Instagram, Neil! We should catch up! I’ll call you. xo_

It was from Kelsey. He ignored it.

“You’re actually looking at your phone. Amazing.” Kevin said. He had glanced at Neil and back to his screen. Neil said nothing.

He pulled up his Instagram application and a barrage of notifications met him at the bottom of his screen. It was a lot of follower notifications. Andrew recommended he keep those specific ones on. He clicked and scrolled through them. Among many others, Andrew, Kevin, Nicky, Allison, and Renee had followed him. He followed Andrew, Kevin, Nicky, and Renee, and then put his phone down to get some water.

“Neil, what do you think of this part? Should I cut it?”

Neil padded over and watched the footage of Nicky coughing. Nicky had caught a cold after getting home.

“I’m making a really good point, but he’s really loud.” Kevin pressed the spacebar to pause it. 

“Cut it.”

“Yeah,” Kevin sighed.

***

“Andrew, have you ever watched this? How can someone watch every episode?”

Neil was watching the second episode of _Star Trek: The Original Series_ and he was very bored. Sitting at his desk with a camera facing him and his computer recording his screen, he couldn’t help but notice that all the women had to wear dresses, while only men occupied high positions of leadership.

He paused it and got up to get more popcorn. Leaning against the counter he imagined himself being an actor in one of their rolls. The acting style was so dated. He would’ve gone for a much more realistic approach. It seemed like all the actors were inspired by theatre plays.

He wondered what it would be like if he decided to do acting instead. He’d been offered small parts on TV shows before. He was sure he would've done alright.

The microwave beeped. He groaned, put his hands to his face, and got back to work, hot popcorn bag in hand. He doubted that this session would even amount to anything very entertaining. It’s not like he makes very many facial expressions or cares enough to talk about everything he notices. The camera hadn’t stopped recording, so he didn’t bother messing with it.

After that episode, he did an online search for the most popular episodes so he wouldn’t have to judge which to watch next from the episode descriptions. He picked one about creatures called tribbles and actually looked forward to tomorrow to watch the reboot film, which premiered in 2009. Maybe it would be less like a dramatic play.

Only then did he realize that he had talked to Andrew through his camera.

***

It was Friday now and Neil had gotten a bunch of questions from his audience about his experience watching _Star Trek _,__ which he fielded from Instagram and YouTube comments. Some questions were really dumb or personal. He ignored them. A good amount of them were about something called Spirk. Some people had just said, “Spirk!!!” He didn’t understand, so avoided those.

“Gary Chapmen asks, ‘Which main character would you be or which would you want to play?’”

So many answers were at the tip of Neil’s tongue, but nothing came out. He could’ve been all of them, except perhaps a female character. He wasn’t sure how well he could pass as a woman. He’d never tried.

“Almost any. And I would pick Chekov. Or a male Uhura. Ashley McDaniel asks, ‘Say something like Scotty would.’ Um…I think she means say something in his accent?” 

He went through almost 50 questions before his camera’s red light turned on because of a low battery.

“Alright, next week I’m couching myself to watch the first Star Wars film. I’m not committing to all of them yet. There’s so…many. Isn’t there ten of them? _Brilliant_. Don’t tell Kevin. He’ll try to get me to watch them all in one weekend. No, thank you.”

With that he ended the video, transferred all the footage onto his back up drive, then uploaded it for Andrew to edit. Neil knew the video would become something greater in Andrew’s hands. In person and in his own content, Andrew had no sense of humor, but he handled the subtleties extremely well when he made someone else’s. He would do just as well with Neil’s.

Kelsey had called again. Neil had ignored it. She probably wanted to “date” again. She had recently moved back to London a few months ago and remained keen on getting him to talk to her. He didn’t see the point in talking. He already knew what he wanted. 

His phone rang again.

“Miss Charles.”

“ _Neil. How are you?”_

“Well. How are things?”

“ _Quite well. Things are brilliant. Neil, I noticed a certain number on your call history._ ” 

 _Shite._  

“Kelsey, yes.” 

“ _Yes, Kelsey Jacobs. Nice young woman. I think you should answer the next time she calls_.”

“I did,” Neil lies. Very easily.

“ _Neil. No, you didn’t. You think I don’t know you. I know you very well._ ”

“Yes, Miss Charles. I’ll call her.”

“ _There’s a good client. You know what you should do._ ” 

“Yes.”

“ _Good man. Goodbye, Neil._ ” She hung up.

Neil pursed his lips, took a breath, and called Kelsey.

She answered on the third ring.

“ _Hello, love_.” He could hear her smiling. 

“Kells.” 

***

**How do you know when someone likes you?**

_I’m your video and social media presence editor not your dating advice shaman_

Neil smirked. He didn’t know if Andrew would text back. He much preferred Andrew’s response than any actual answer. It came quite fast, too. Andrew must be editing something.

 **Have you seen any of Kelsey Jacob’s videos? Or any of mine with her?**  

_No_

An instant response.

 **I have to collaborate with her again**  

 _“have to”?_  

 **I’m going to**  

 _How long til?_  

**Soon**

No response for half an hour had Neil picking up his phone again.  

**Have you seen Star Wars?**

_Yes_  

**Any good?**

_Depends_  

 **On what?**  

_What you’re asking about_

**Which film?**

_No. Plot, filming, acting, etc_  

 **Oh. Then filming**  

 _Yes_  

Neil couldn’t think of anything else to ask yet. He decided to go check his mail.

He had so much more time on his hands. Andrew had already sent a sort of draft copy of Neil’s _Star Trek_ video from yesterday morning. It needed work, but Neil knew Andrew already knew that. Neil really wanted to watch Andrew at work, editing. Andrew seemed to work extremely fast. He wanted to know how he did it.

Neil stuffed a reusable mug and water bottle in his bag and fit his skateboard into the straps he installed in the back. 

Unsure and lacking skill, Neil hadn’t brought it up while in New York. He was still working on just riding on flat surfaces. He could admit to himself he was learning because of Andrew’s influence, but not necessarily to anyone else.

On one of Andrew’s Q and A videos, with the questions and answers as text overlapping video footage, Andrew had said he started when he was 13. Ten years of experience. So far Neil had 6 months. He didn’t like falling. He didn’t like unnecessary risk of injury to his body. It took three months before he felt even remotely safe riding down a flat street. He couldn’t afford to get hurt. He had so many other things he did that put him at risk. It made sense to take this new thing slowly. 

Neil typed out another text. 

**Andrew**

Taking the tube, Neil put in his earphones in and put on a podcast by Colin Wright, standing with a grip on a handle above him. 

_Neil_

His mirroring made Neil feel good. He wasn’t sure why. Something one of his therapists said once niggles in the back of his mind.

**You never make anything with memes or pop culture**

**In your own videos, I mean**  

**Do you never watch any of that stuff?**

_Not much_

**What then?**  

_How to train your dragon_

**What’s that?**  

_Movies_

**What else?**

_Walking dead_

**Is that about vampires?**   

Neil got off for his stop and walked and skated the rest of the way to the post office, in no hurry at all. Arrived, Neil got in line and pulled out his phone. 

 _Zombies_  

**What else?**

_Beasty boys_

**Sounds like a boy band**

_It is_  

**Any other boy bands?**

_The killers_

**Sounds very you**  

**Very angsty**

_Says the man who doesn’t like music_

**It’s not that I don’t like it. I just can’t seem to listen long enough to know if I do**

Andrew didn’t reply right away, so Neil put away his phone.

The employees always recognized Neil. He always had so much in his post office box that they just stored it all in a plastic crate, which was probably against policy, but no one minded.  

“Neil! How was New York?” Elisabeth. Ready smile. She already had the crate out for him. 

“Good. How’s King?”

“Oh, she’s doing better. Her surgery went well. All four paws in working order again.”

“Good.” He pulled the crate off the counter and stepped to the side to look through it.

“See you!”

Neil felt the familiar buzz of a new message. 

He felt like he was slowly going crazy. He was never like this when he texted anyone else. Anxious. Not annoyed. A subtle rush of adrenaline. Disappointment if a message was from anyone else. Even Kevin, his only friend. _Friend_ didn’t seem to encompass how Neil thought and felt about Andrew. They weren’t quite _friends_ , were they?

Pulling off his backpack he could already tell most of it was going to his local charity shop. Almost finished, he fished out a post card from the bottom. It was from Germany. He expected to see German, but it was in English with a photo of Nicky and whom Neil presumed to be Eric. They were hiking.

_"Hey, Neil!_

_It was great meeting you! I hope to hang with you again someday. If you’re ever in Germany, look us up!_

_Nicky and Eric Klaus"_  

Neil had never received a post card before. 

He pulled out his phone. He was keenly aware that he was having a moment of delayed gratification.

_Just do what you want_

Neil smiled.

“What are you smiling about, Neil? You look happy,” Elisabeth said, side eyeing him.

“Um, I got a collaboration.”

“Oh,” she said, squinting her eyes. “Don’t tell me, then.” She flashed a smile and cocked her head to the side, a shrewd look on her face.

Neil left. 

After getting a table at his usual place and ordering a curry, Neil finally replied. 

**Maybe I will**

_On the nature of daylight by max richter_  

**Book?**

_Look it up_

Neil did. It was a song. 

**I’ll listen to it when I’m home**

***

“I don’t see how messing with the timeline and moving my reaction to one thing and making it look like I’m reacting to something else is being authentic.”

Neil was fishing out a tea bag from his cabinet, the kettle already on.

“ _It’s not. You don't want to be authentic_.”

“You’re making me look like I actually care.” 

“ _You don’t react any more than five times during the entire movie. Your audience isn’t going to watch you do nothing._ ”

“You did.”

Silence on the line. Neil sighed.

“I could’ve talked more, I guess.”

“ _You’re not normal and you’re never going to be_.” 

“Right.” Neil _was_ going to hang up as soon as Andrew started talking like his therapist, but he didn’t.

“I listened to the song.” Neil poured the boiling water for his black tea with orange citrus. “I liked it. A lot. I listened to it five times.”

“ _I’ll send you more_.”

“Thank you.”

After they hung up, Neil knew he needed to call Kelsey again to get the finer details in place, where to meet and what they were going to do. Neil felt numb. He wanted to be around Andrew, not some youtuber slash influencer who was pretending to date him for more views and likes and comments. Sure, he was benefiting from the connection as well. He was also treated different when he appeared to be dating someone.

Neil could only think about how much he hated it. All of it. Filming pieces of his life. Spending energy on making videos he didn’t care about. Making money on adverts and product usage and having to collaborate and make nice with people he didn’t really like. Andrew and Kevin and Jeremy were the only ones he ever enjoyed collaborating with. He didn’t always empathize with the things they talked about and the end results – the videos – they came up with, but he felt like he actually had things in common with them. Everyone else? Jean? Renee? Riko? Tyler? Chad? Hayley? So many others? He didn’t relate to them, he didn’t get along with them, he didn’t like them as people, he didn’t enjoy being around them. Most of them reciprocated the sentiment.

He was envious of them. They did this by choice. Neil didn’t have a choice. It was either this or Uncle Stuart would find another way to make his family look good for their image.

Image. It was all about what things appeared to be. Neil didn’t matter. For all intents and purposes, Neil only existed as an online presence. He didn’t know what else there could be for him.

After pouring in the milk, Neil took his first sip of tea and pulled out his phone to call Kelsey. He couldn't put it off their next conversation any longer.

Well, maybe just one more day.

***

“ _Did you get to meet Andrew Minyard in person? Since he’s your editor now?”_

Neil kept the deal with himself. He finally called Kelsey. She was just as nice as he remembered.

“No, we just talked around corners of buildings or over the phone.”

 _“That’s so strange! But very him, right? I guess he would do that.”_ Kelsey laughed. 

Neil never really could nail down sarcastic humor the first try, let alone the correct tone of voice. He thought about telling her, but decided he didn’t care. His mastery of sarcasm could wait another day.

“I mean, yes, we did meet, but I’m not going to tell you anything that isn’t mine to tell. It’s a given. I’m not going to ruin my other connection because we’re pretending to date.”

_“Oh, yeah. I totally understand. Listen, Neil…”_

“What?” 

_“I actually want to date you.”_

“We already talked about this, Kells. I’m not interested.”

Neil was ready to wrap up. They had already agreed on terms. Kelsey was good at trapping him into small talk.

 _“Yeah, okay. Thought I’d give it a last try.”_ She laughed nervously. 

“So let’s do the skateboarding 101 video, alright? Since Andrew skates, I’ll ask him some advice and we can meet in Hyde Park.” Neil started on tea.

_“Yeah, great. 2 o’clock?”_

“2 o’ clock.” 

 _“Bye, love.”_  

Neil hung up.

***

_“What about not be boring do you not understand?”_

Neil got Andrew on the phone again. That was the extent of his plan; put zero effort in watching _Star Trek_ , the one released in 2009, then Andrew would call to critic his lack of actual content. He just didn’t know what to do next. He just wanted to talk to Andrew. Provoking him to call was surprisingly easy to do, but Neil had bailed on asking Andrew about skateboarding. Instead he watched a video that Andrew had already made about it.

“Um, everything. Let’s go with everything.” He sat at his tiny table near the kitchen, tired from his afternoon run. He brought the pen and notebook sitting there closer to start doodling on it.

Neil had honestly enjoyed the plot and cinematography and acting, but he didn't relate to the characters, especially Kirk. His father was actually a good person.

“ _If a topic doesn’t interest you enough to come up with a few reactions and a few comments about it, why are you recording yourself exploring it?”_

“Am I really that boring? I thought that bit about capitalism was really good.”

Neil imagined Andrew sitting at his desk, maybe staring out his window.

_Wait, no. It's dark outside there._

_“Yeah, maybe if you weren’t making fun of capitalists and those who oppose it at the same time_.”

“You noticed. I don’t think anyone else will.”

A pause. 

_“True.”_

“Yeah, so, do you have any more song recommendations for me? Maybe I can rant about classical music and what it’s become, and then make movie scores an exception.” Neil drew a music note on the corner of the paper.

Andrew sighed. 

 _“Talk about something that matters to you.”_  

Neil stopped doodling.

“I don’t know what matters to me.”

Neil didn’t mean to say that.

_“Talk about how to blend into a new neighborhood.”_

Memories of repeated advice from his mother ran on the loop in the back of his mind. At the front was Andrew.

“I don’t know. How would _you_ do it?”

Neil was desperate for different memories. New ones.

_“Doesn’t matter.”_

“I’m curious.”

Andrew didn’t say anything. 

“I wish I could see you in person.”

Neil didn’t mean to say that, either.

 _“You’re too far away.”_  

“Yeah.” 

A pause. More than a pause. Just Neil and Andrew on the quiet phone line. Talking over the phone was proving unwise in the area of vulnerability. He kept saying things he wouldn't normally say.

_Or maybe it's just Andrew._

“I want to see you again.”  

Neil was a bit terrified. That was the most honest thing he’s said in a long time. With all the correspondence over text and email and a handful of phone calls, Neil just craved more. He wished he had used those last days in New York to do something with Andrew, but he hadn’t. He spent it with Kevin playing soccer and doing drills. They hadn’t taken their camera along. It was nice.

Neil came back to the present.

“Andrew?”

Neil pulled the mobile away from his face. Andrew had hung up. 

Neil sighed. He didn’t know what to think or feel about that.

His phone rang again, but it made a different sound than normal.

Andrew was calling him on FaceTime.

Neil answered.

The image of Andrew with white walls and terrible lighting met him. It was 11:37pm for Andrew. Neil couldn’t make out the hazel color of his eyes or the right shade of blonde of his hair, but his distinct memory of the man filled in the gaps.

“ _You’re an idiot, Neil_.” 

The view of Andrew was stationary and at an angle. He must’ve set it up on his desk.

“Maybe.” Neil smiled.

Andrew wasn’t looking at the camera now, but straight ahead. 

“What are you working on?”

“ _Editing._ ” 

“Yeah, editing what?”

“ _Your face_.”

“Oh.” Neil looked down and touched the scars on his face. When he looked up, Andrew was looking at him.  

“ _You’re a disaster_.”

“Yeah. Old news.” Neil noticed himself smiling. He stopped. 

Andrew looked back at his computer screen and clicked at his keyboard.

“ _Talk to me about it first. About moving into a new place._ ” 

“Moving to London?”

“ _Yes_.”

***

Neil liked to call Andrew on FaceTime and he knew exactly why. It was sometimes unnerving. The first time he thought it may be a panic attack, but in retrospect, he was just feeling a lot. Feeling a lot about Andrew. He wasn't sure when his feelings had changed, but it wasn't long after they started talking on the phone. He wasn't sure what to do with this new understanding of himself, of what he wanted. 

Neil wasn’t sure why Andrew liked to talk with him so much, but he knew that he did. He never _said_ it, but each time he called Neil on FaceTime he was that much more convinced. Texting and emailing were put on the back burner. Video calls became the norm. In any case, every time Andrew said _I hate you_ Neil had this feeling he was saying more with those words than he initially thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Andrew and FaceTime and editing.
> 
> I wrote some of the middle of this under the influence of alcohol wearing earplugs while feeling this dire need to wear my jean jacket and run around my bedroom like Naruto and then stop to make a painting.  
> In other news, strangers came by and mowed my lawn then disappeared. I am officially a charity case.  
> ps don't abuse alcohol, bad bad bad
> 
> pps I have since gone back and edited/revamped the previous chapters (as of the afternoon of May 4th), including this one, and I'm happier with the results. Feel free so re-read. I think it makes more sense.


End file.
